I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
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I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
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I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
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