So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
