I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
