I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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