I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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