my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
