Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
