my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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