I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
