shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
