his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
We are all done wearing pants today
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
