I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
