you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
sex in a hospital.. check
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
