If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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