it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
