The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
