Just cropdusted the office
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
