I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
