Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
