It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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