apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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