I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
