do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
