Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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