I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
