I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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