I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Randomize
