You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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