ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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