it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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