I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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