I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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