I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
