i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
