we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
