So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
It's never too late to be topless.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
So much rum. So many feels.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
