If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
