I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
