just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
