I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Two words: blizzard sex
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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