fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
