Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
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The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
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Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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