The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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