For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
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Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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