Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
