I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize