I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
