So drunk its hurt
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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