so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
