Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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