I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
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I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
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There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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