I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
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Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
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I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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