you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
