Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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