I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
