I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize