On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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