Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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