Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Someone shattered a urinal.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
