i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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