i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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