Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I wear drunk well.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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