I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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