Sponge bath it is.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
