My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
