one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
