Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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