I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
