I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
