wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
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She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
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